The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

So it seems as if I'm a blogger who generally only posts when something crazy happens. Partly because I find it therapeutic to put my thoughts down. Also, really our lives are so boring that unless something crazy happens there isn't much going on. So if you have a problem with that, then I suggest you don't read on. lol

We start with....

The Good....
October 11th! Best day ever. Mandy gives Dustin her right kidney. It actually got to a rough start...
They were scheduled for a 7:15 surgery. We got there at 5:15. None of us (Mandy, Mark, Dustin & I) were nervous at all. We felt pretty good about it. Then they told Mandy she wasn't on the schedule until the 10:30 surgery. Huh? Made no sense. What we soon found out is scheduling had screwed up and had Dustin lined up to get a kidney from a different lady who was donating to her dad. The staff handled it very professionally (although later we heard that everyone was in panic mode...apparently that never happens, but heaven knows, that's just my luck) The mix up made me nervous for just a bit, but once they had it all figured out I was completely calm when they took them both to surgery. I did not have a nervous bone in my body. It was very strange and shocking. I was ready to be a total mess but I wasn't. It certainly was a blessing.

The surgery went as expected. They had no problems and the kidney worked immediately. We were super excited. We saw Mandy first and she was feel pretty bad. The nausea from the anesthetics was hitting her hard, then they gave her perki's which made it worse. Luckily once she had a good throw up she felt way better that evening. Mandy was released the next day and was out shopping the following day. The girl is crazy. lol That's just her style. No complaints and still didn't want to put anyone out because she may have needed something. Very selfless to the end.

When I first saw Dustin it was amazing. From having a kidney for only even a few hours he looked so good. His coloring completely changed. I walked in the room & he says "Hey babe" like nothing happened. I couldn't believe how good he felt and looked. He just continued to look better as the days went on. He got out on Friday (3 nights in the hospital) which was good because he was SO going stir crazy in there.

Mandy had to stay in Scottsdale near Mayo Clinic for a week. Dustin will have to be up there for a month or so. Hopefully he will be able to come home in a few weekends. We'll see what the Dr.'s say. Mandy had continued to stay well & Dustin too. He goes in for labs & Dr. visits 2 times a week now and the Dr.'s are really happy with his numbers & visits each time. We really happy it's all going well. I stayed up there for 2 weeks to help him out and drive him to his appointments & then I had to come back to work.

 I came home Monday night...got in about Midnight. I was super happy to be back & super happy to see my dogs, who me and Dustin had been missing since being in Scottsdale.

The Bad & The Ugly...
So I got home at Midnight Monday night. I seriously couldn't wait to see my dogs & I knew they'd be anxious to see me & come home so I went to my parents & got them. They were thrilled. Jumping all over the place running around back and forth. Just as I expected. I was so excited to see them too. I did some videos of them that night on my phone to send to Dustin. I was just laughing of how they got into the house and ran around like they never expected to be back. Pippin runs to his favorite pillow on the floor (He sits on it in front of our door in the sun every morning & stares out the door looking for something to bark at) Pantala came up and immediately licked me like crazy...her favorite thing. They just did so many funny things that night.

The next morning I was super tired so I tried to sleep in but Pantala wouldn't have that. She jumped on my chest and licked my face til I woke up. She then proceeded to run over to Pippin and lick him to wake him up. Funny girl. Sometimes she just gets so excited. Pip was not ready to get up. Neither was I.

I put the dogs in the backyard when I left for work, like I normally do everyday. I was happy to be back. I knew I'd miss Dustin, but that I'd see him on Friday when I headed back up to Scottsdale. It was a good day. Trisha was happy I was back at work...we went to La Casita for lunch. After sitting in the city for 2 weeks doing nothing but laying around it felt really good to get back to a somewhat normal life.

4:45....my phone rings. I don't recognize the number, but it's a local one. Often I'm a screener when I don't recognize a number but with Dustin's transplant I figured it could be someone calling about him, so I answer. The guy on the other line says, "Hi, I'm Davis and I found your dog on the side of the road...it appears he's been hit by a car. " I immediately freak out thinking all kinds of things. How did they get out, how did he get hit, is this for real, no way, wait...is he alive? I ask Davis if he's alive. He says he's breathing but isn't moving. At that point I knew it was bad. The kid then says, "Are you home?" I say, "No, at work" He asks, "Can you get here right away" I say, "Yes I can & I will send someone closer to get him" He then asks, "Do you want me to stay with him until you get here" I'm thinking who is this saint who found my sweet boy on the side of the road, pulls over to help him & offers to stay until I get there? It was very touching. I call my mom & tell her to hurry over...Pippin's been hit and it's not good. She goes right away. I'm balling so Trisha takes me to my house to find Pantala. We got there and found out that Davis or his co-worker with him, ran down the road to catch her so she wouldn't get hit. We turn around and go to the vet to meet my mom.

We don't know how long Pippin had laid there, but my mom got to him within a few minutes of Davis's call & the vet is right around the corner. We probably got him there in 5 minutes. Mandy showed up to support & see what she could do. The Dr. told me he had no broken bones, but thee could be internal bleeding. There is just no way to tell right away. She gave him a 50/50 chance. I couldn't believe it. I was in shock. It was such a good happy day all turned to hell in a matter of minutes. I went back & saw him one last time before we left. Mandy, my mom and & Trisha walked out with me in tears. They completely understand what my dogs meant to me. They are my children. They are the closest things I have to kids and I've wanted kids so bad. I've channeled all my love to them. At that point, all we can do is wait, so we went back to the studio & I call & tell Dustin. We both just start to hope for the best. I walk in the door & my dad comes & gives me a hug. The phone rings 5 minutes later. They say he took a turn and is drastically worse since he got there 10 minutes ago and will not make it. I completely break down. This is literally my "baby" in the hospital dyeing. They call about 15 minutes later and I told me he didn't make it.

I really couldn't believe it. I was holding so tight to that 50% chance of life. All I could do is just cry & call Dustin to tell him he didn't make it. A phone call I didn't want to make. I told the vet I would pick him up so my dad took me to get him. Mandy & Trisha followed close behind. They gave me him in a cardboard box, which I hated so I took him out and held him & just cried. I held him at my parents for a few hours and the kids and my family pet him. We made the joke that they could pet him without him snapping at them (he didn't like little kids at all)

I decided to burry him at my parents house since their house is permanent and who knows how long we'll be at our house. Everyone in my family knows what my dogs mean to me. Trisha had a nice wooden box to lay him in instead of a cardboard box in a plastic bag (Brandon also offered to make one for him real fast). Mandy ran to wal-mart to get a plastic box to put the wooden box in so he was more protected. My mom got a white material to put in the box and wrap him in it. It was really touching for me to see my family do all they could  to make this more of a proper burial even though it was for a dog. My mom had bought the dogs Christmas presents (she hasn't got anything for anyone else yet, lol) so she brought out his gift, a little camo hoody jacket. Ella, Mandy's little girl, insists we put it in with him when we burry him. I think it's a fine idea. We finally get everything together & my all in my family who live here were there...well except Dustin (which was awful) My brother, Trevor, had called earlier.

It was really hard for me to put him in the box. Luckily, he looked so good still & his body wasn't damaged...no blood or anything. It was all internal. He looked so peaceful & like he was sleeping. It was kind of strange to see his lifeless body right there...I've been holding him for an hour, yet I hope and want him to come back to life. Like there was still a chance for that miracle. As I put him in the box, Ella starts humming a song. Mandy quickly realizes it's "Nearer, My God to Thee" (apparently her kids love the titanic and know that's the titanic song.) Ella, who is 4, was smart enough to know it was appropriate for the situation. It was so cute & sweet. We then walk out to the hole Brandon dug up & Jace (Mandy's boy) is saluting the grave. It was too cute and too funny. We all start to laugh, then quickly see how serious he is so we stop. He salutes & Ella hums her song until the "casket" is fully covered with Dirt. Trisha bought some flowers to plant there as well. We joked in the end that my ward  wasn't on the ball because they had not planned a meal for us. I told everyone I could take them to La Casita or Taco Bell. It was completely my family...very loving and caring and doing anything and everything to make it ok for me, putting up with a "funeral" for a dog, yet laughing here and there all the way through. Everyone knows I love to laugh and it's certainly what I needed. Some laughter in between the tears.

Now, I know there are people who may think I'm crazy or think, "Kristen, it's just a dog" but what you don't understand is what my dogs mean to me. I love them as family. They were my support and love when I got divorced and felt very alone and confused with life. They are what fills the hole in my heart that I've developed since we haven't been able to have kids. They are unconditional love who are always there for me whenever I need them. They have helped me get through so much in my life. I know it all sounds very cheesy, but it's all very true. I know for sure without a doubt that it's not the same as loosing a child, but they are the only "children" I've ever had.

I'm also having such a struggle with the timing. Why now? Seriously. This isn't the first time they've got out. I've had phone calls many a times when a neighbor sees them out. Pippin was an escape artist and very small so he could get through small holes. We altered a lot on our fences to keep them in (and I still am not certain of how the gate got to be wide open that day) So really, Why now? When Dustin is stuck in Scottsdale (for a very great reason, which I am so grateful for) but if our little dog was to go this way, why couldn't it be while he was here? He missed out on it all and I know it's killing him. He loves him just as much as I do. When I told him he was hit the first thing he wanted to do was come home. He can't. Dr's don't want him to leave, just in case. He didn't get to see him one last time like I did. He didn't get the closure process like I did. He saw him 2 weeks ago. The first thing he says when I tell him is, "I never thought that'd be the last time I saw him" Also, I'm here by myself unable to get to the one person who fully understands how I feel.

Pantala is confused. She doesn't know why she was left at my parents house for 2 weeks and then she comes home only to be left here with just me. She keeps looking for everyone. She's just lays around and sleeps. I feel awful.

I am so grateful to Davis Kempton for finding him injured on the side of the road & stopping & calling me to try and help my dog. He is a true Saint and his actions that day say a lot about the kind of person he is. He also stopped by my house later that night to bring me flowers because he felt so bad. I was so touched by his kindness & how genuine he was. Any lady who snatches that  boy up is a lucky gal. He was truly a blessing for me that day so I didn't find my dog dead in the road. I will be forever grateful to him for that.

As cheesy as it sounds, it's been a really hard couple days. It's been easy while at work, but when I get to my empty house it breaks my heart every time...I do dearly love him.    RIP my Pippy Boy.