The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

So it seems as if I'm a blogger who generally only posts when something crazy happens. Partly because I find it therapeutic to put my thoughts down. Also, really our lives are so boring that unless something crazy happens there isn't much going on. So if you have a problem with that, then I suggest you don't read on. lol

We start with....

The Good....
October 11th! Best day ever. Mandy gives Dustin her right kidney. It actually got to a rough start...
They were scheduled for a 7:15 surgery. We got there at 5:15. None of us (Mandy, Mark, Dustin & I) were nervous at all. We felt pretty good about it. Then they told Mandy she wasn't on the schedule until the 10:30 surgery. Huh? Made no sense. What we soon found out is scheduling had screwed up and had Dustin lined up to get a kidney from a different lady who was donating to her dad. The staff handled it very professionally (although later we heard that everyone was in panic mode...apparently that never happens, but heaven knows, that's just my luck) The mix up made me nervous for just a bit, but once they had it all figured out I was completely calm when they took them both to surgery. I did not have a nervous bone in my body. It was very strange and shocking. I was ready to be a total mess but I wasn't. It certainly was a blessing.

The surgery went as expected. They had no problems and the kidney worked immediately. We were super excited. We saw Mandy first and she was feel pretty bad. The nausea from the anesthetics was hitting her hard, then they gave her perki's which made it worse. Luckily once she had a good throw up she felt way better that evening. Mandy was released the next day and was out shopping the following day. The girl is crazy. lol That's just her style. No complaints and still didn't want to put anyone out because she may have needed something. Very selfless to the end.

When I first saw Dustin it was amazing. From having a kidney for only even a few hours he looked so good. His coloring completely changed. I walked in the room & he says "Hey babe" like nothing happened. I couldn't believe how good he felt and looked. He just continued to look better as the days went on. He got out on Friday (3 nights in the hospital) which was good because he was SO going stir crazy in there.

Mandy had to stay in Scottsdale near Mayo Clinic for a week. Dustin will have to be up there for a month or so. Hopefully he will be able to come home in a few weekends. We'll see what the Dr.'s say. Mandy had continued to stay well & Dustin too. He goes in for labs & Dr. visits 2 times a week now and the Dr.'s are really happy with his numbers & visits each time. We really happy it's all going well. I stayed up there for 2 weeks to help him out and drive him to his appointments & then I had to come back to work.

 I came home Monday night...got in about Midnight. I was super happy to be back & super happy to see my dogs, who me and Dustin had been missing since being in Scottsdale.

The Bad & The Ugly...
So I got home at Midnight Monday night. I seriously couldn't wait to see my dogs & I knew they'd be anxious to see me & come home so I went to my parents & got them. They were thrilled. Jumping all over the place running around back and forth. Just as I expected. I was so excited to see them too. I did some videos of them that night on my phone to send to Dustin. I was just laughing of how they got into the house and ran around like they never expected to be back. Pippin runs to his favorite pillow on the floor (He sits on it in front of our door in the sun every morning & stares out the door looking for something to bark at) Pantala came up and immediately licked me like crazy...her favorite thing. They just did so many funny things that night.

The next morning I was super tired so I tried to sleep in but Pantala wouldn't have that. She jumped on my chest and licked my face til I woke up. She then proceeded to run over to Pippin and lick him to wake him up. Funny girl. Sometimes she just gets so excited. Pip was not ready to get up. Neither was I.

I put the dogs in the backyard when I left for work, like I normally do everyday. I was happy to be back. I knew I'd miss Dustin, but that I'd see him on Friday when I headed back up to Scottsdale. It was a good day. Trisha was happy I was back at work...we went to La Casita for lunch. After sitting in the city for 2 weeks doing nothing but laying around it felt really good to get back to a somewhat normal life.

4:45....my phone rings. I don't recognize the number, but it's a local one. Often I'm a screener when I don't recognize a number but with Dustin's transplant I figured it could be someone calling about him, so I answer. The guy on the other line says, "Hi, I'm Davis and I found your dog on the side of the road...it appears he's been hit by a car. " I immediately freak out thinking all kinds of things. How did they get out, how did he get hit, is this for real, no way, wait...is he alive? I ask Davis if he's alive. He says he's breathing but isn't moving. At that point I knew it was bad. The kid then says, "Are you home?" I say, "No, at work" He asks, "Can you get here right away" I say, "Yes I can & I will send someone closer to get him" He then asks, "Do you want me to stay with him until you get here" I'm thinking who is this saint who found my sweet boy on the side of the road, pulls over to help him & offers to stay until I get there? It was very touching. I call my mom & tell her to hurry over...Pippin's been hit and it's not good. She goes right away. I'm balling so Trisha takes me to my house to find Pantala. We got there and found out that Davis or his co-worker with him, ran down the road to catch her so she wouldn't get hit. We turn around and go to the vet to meet my mom.

We don't know how long Pippin had laid there, but my mom got to him within a few minutes of Davis's call & the vet is right around the corner. We probably got him there in 5 minutes. Mandy showed up to support & see what she could do. The Dr. told me he had no broken bones, but thee could be internal bleeding. There is just no way to tell right away. She gave him a 50/50 chance. I couldn't believe it. I was in shock. It was such a good happy day all turned to hell in a matter of minutes. I went back & saw him one last time before we left. Mandy, my mom and & Trisha walked out with me in tears. They completely understand what my dogs meant to me. They are my children. They are the closest things I have to kids and I've wanted kids so bad. I've channeled all my love to them. At that point, all we can do is wait, so we went back to the studio & I call & tell Dustin. We both just start to hope for the best. I walk in the door & my dad comes & gives me a hug. The phone rings 5 minutes later. They say he took a turn and is drastically worse since he got there 10 minutes ago and will not make it. I completely break down. This is literally my "baby" in the hospital dyeing. They call about 15 minutes later and I told me he didn't make it.

I really couldn't believe it. I was holding so tight to that 50% chance of life. All I could do is just cry & call Dustin to tell him he didn't make it. A phone call I didn't want to make. I told the vet I would pick him up so my dad took me to get him. Mandy & Trisha followed close behind. They gave me him in a cardboard box, which I hated so I took him out and held him & just cried. I held him at my parents for a few hours and the kids and my family pet him. We made the joke that they could pet him without him snapping at them (he didn't like little kids at all)

I decided to burry him at my parents house since their house is permanent and who knows how long we'll be at our house. Everyone in my family knows what my dogs mean to me. Trisha had a nice wooden box to lay him in instead of a cardboard box in a plastic bag (Brandon also offered to make one for him real fast). Mandy ran to wal-mart to get a plastic box to put the wooden box in so he was more protected. My mom got a white material to put in the box and wrap him in it. It was really touching for me to see my family do all they could  to make this more of a proper burial even though it was for a dog. My mom had bought the dogs Christmas presents (she hasn't got anything for anyone else yet, lol) so she brought out his gift, a little camo hoody jacket. Ella, Mandy's little girl, insists we put it in with him when we burry him. I think it's a fine idea. We finally get everything together & my all in my family who live here were there...well except Dustin (which was awful) My brother, Trevor, had called earlier.

It was really hard for me to put him in the box. Luckily, he looked so good still & his body wasn't damaged...no blood or anything. It was all internal. He looked so peaceful & like he was sleeping. It was kind of strange to see his lifeless body right there...I've been holding him for an hour, yet I hope and want him to come back to life. Like there was still a chance for that miracle. As I put him in the box, Ella starts humming a song. Mandy quickly realizes it's "Nearer, My God to Thee" (apparently her kids love the titanic and know that's the titanic song.) Ella, who is 4, was smart enough to know it was appropriate for the situation. It was so cute & sweet. We then walk out to the hole Brandon dug up & Jace (Mandy's boy) is saluting the grave. It was too cute and too funny. We all start to laugh, then quickly see how serious he is so we stop. He salutes & Ella hums her song until the "casket" is fully covered with Dirt. Trisha bought some flowers to plant there as well. We joked in the end that my ward  wasn't on the ball because they had not planned a meal for us. I told everyone I could take them to La Casita or Taco Bell. It was completely my family...very loving and caring and doing anything and everything to make it ok for me, putting up with a "funeral" for a dog, yet laughing here and there all the way through. Everyone knows I love to laugh and it's certainly what I needed. Some laughter in between the tears.

Now, I know there are people who may think I'm crazy or think, "Kristen, it's just a dog" but what you don't understand is what my dogs mean to me. I love them as family. They were my support and love when I got divorced and felt very alone and confused with life. They are what fills the hole in my heart that I've developed since we haven't been able to have kids. They are unconditional love who are always there for me whenever I need them. They have helped me get through so much in my life. I know it all sounds very cheesy, but it's all very true. I know for sure without a doubt that it's not the same as loosing a child, but they are the only "children" I've ever had.

I'm also having such a struggle with the timing. Why now? Seriously. This isn't the first time they've got out. I've had phone calls many a times when a neighbor sees them out. Pippin was an escape artist and very small so he could get through small holes. We altered a lot on our fences to keep them in (and I still am not certain of how the gate got to be wide open that day) So really, Why now? When Dustin is stuck in Scottsdale (for a very great reason, which I am so grateful for) but if our little dog was to go this way, why couldn't it be while he was here? He missed out on it all and I know it's killing him. He loves him just as much as I do. When I told him he was hit the first thing he wanted to do was come home. He can't. Dr's don't want him to leave, just in case. He didn't get to see him one last time like I did. He didn't get the closure process like I did. He saw him 2 weeks ago. The first thing he says when I tell him is, "I never thought that'd be the last time I saw him" Also, I'm here by myself unable to get to the one person who fully understands how I feel.

Pantala is confused. She doesn't know why she was left at my parents house for 2 weeks and then she comes home only to be left here with just me. She keeps looking for everyone. She's just lays around and sleeps. I feel awful.

I am so grateful to Davis Kempton for finding him injured on the side of the road & stopping & calling me to try and help my dog. He is a true Saint and his actions that day say a lot about the kind of person he is. He also stopped by my house later that night to bring me flowers because he felt so bad. I was so touched by his kindness & how genuine he was. Any lady who snatches that  boy up is a lucky gal. He was truly a blessing for me that day so I didn't find my dog dead in the road. I will be forever grateful to him for that.

As cheesy as it sounds, it's been a really hard couple days. It's been easy while at work, but when I get to my empty house it breaks my heart every time...I do dearly love him.    RIP my Pippy Boy.

We have...

...Progress!!!

So insurance went through and Dustin is now scheduled for his evaluation! WOO! I'm somewhat annoyed (at myself) because they could've got him in a week earlier, but my schedule at work that week was pretty bad. Either way, they're getting him in pretty fast (faster then I thought) so all testing, results and decisions should be done before the end of May. From the sounds of the way Mayo rolls, there is good chances of this happening over the summer or fall. Of course this is all dependent on one thing....a living donor. I felt fairly comfortable about easily finding a living donor....now I'm kind of nervous. It just seems like so much of our immediate families have been eliminated. I just really hope we can easily find someone.

Dustin only has 2 possible immediate family members who are a potential option. Morgan has said he wants to go first, but we don't know his blood type yet. He's is going to his Dr. to get that test done. Jaime, Preston, Travis & his parents aren't a blood match. Neither are Clint or Mike (his 2 Bro in laws.) Trisha, Dustin's sister, is for sure 0, but she's pregnant right now so I'm not sure she can do all the testing and Dustin wants the transplant ASAP so he doesn't want to wait if he  doesn't have to...call us inpatient. haha. We figure we can test others and then test her after she delivers if it comes to that. She'd have to stop breast feeding and go from having a baby to giving a kidney. That's a lot to expect from one person. Dustin's uncle Todd e-mailed me and said he will be tested.

Most of my family has been eliminated. Me, Brandon, Mandy & Mark all have 0. Mark is medically challenged, so he's probably out, but we could test if if we have to and see what they say. Mandy & Brandon are willing to go forward with testing and are both good healthy options. My parents are both out. Trisha and Stacey aren't a blood match and Chad has had kidney stones, so they're all out. 

After all the eliminating that leaves us with 6 for sure's (one pg and one medically challenged) and potentially 1 more. Maybe that's a good list...I don't know. I feel like it's kind of small now that I see it all in black and white. Back in November, lots of friends said they wanted to be tested. It just is an awkward thing...to ask people to give a kidney. I mean it's not like I'm asking for an egg and some milk here. I want to slice someone open and take a piece of them. That's some serious business!!!

It's getting very overwhelming right now because we're getting very close to all this happening and although there is a chance he will be rejected, I really want to be organized if he's accepted. I want a list of people who will get tested and the order they will go in so once someone is rejected, I know who's next instead of trying to find the next person. That way no time is wasted. I know I'm crazy, but I really want to streamline this...and it's really not about me, it's about Dustin. I just want him to feel normal again. I feel like so much time has been wasted by the Dr's mistake and I'm now trying to make up all that time.

So, after all that...if you or anyone you know wants to be tested, send me an e-mail to kristen@holladays.com. Please don't do it out of guilt or obligation. We completely 100% understand it's not something everyone is comfortable with. Dustin is O+ so the blood type must be O as well (positive or negative).




Ok so I know my blog sucks. All I posted about before is IVF. All I post about now is Kidney stuff. I guess that's pretty much all that's been going on in our lives as of late. Sorry, we're pretty boring!!

Holy Moses!

Brace yourself for this....wait for it....wait for it....

This week we got a letter from Mayo Clinic....and today I got a phone call. I know. You weren't expecting that at all. Neither was I.


I called the Dr's office AGAIN after I had first called on the 15th. This would be on the 21st. (a week later) she says she sent it in (again) I waited a few days and called the Dr.'s office on Friday the 25th. She said she sent it on the 22nd (ummm...so why didn't you send it on the 15th when I first talked to you?! Whatever) This time the chick put on some brains  and called Mayo to make sure they had it. HOLY COW THEY DID!!! Last Wednesday we got the letter, today we got the phone call.

So here's the LD. His information has been sent to the fiance department so they will contact our Insurance to see if they will pay for his testing. The lady said that can take 30-60 days. Heaven knows with our luck it'll be 60. Once that is all cleared we can schedule him for testing which is usually about 4 weeks out. So we may just have this started by summer. haha.

Like we expected, he will have about 3-5 days of out patient testing up in Phoenix. It's all out patient so he won't have to spend any hospital nights. Once all those tests are done and he is accepted we can start testing live donors. They will only test one person at a time. If that person is a match, no one else gets tested. If not, then the next person is tested. So once he's accepted, we'll all draw straws to see who's first :P haha. J.K. I intend to go first.

He got his machine so he can do his exchanges at night while he sleeps and I think he has mixed feelings about it. I think he likes the fact he doesn't have to deal with manual exchanges, but he doesn't sleep very well (sometimes I don't sleep very well) It's not a real loud machine. It's just like a pumping sound. Hopefully he'll get used to it so he can get better sleep. The other thing that sucks is he has to be hooked up to the thing for 9 hours and 50 mins...which is kind of long. I mean who sleeps for 9 hours and 50 mins? So for him to make it to work on time he has to be hooked up by 7:30.  Who goes to bed at 7:30? He's figured it out so he hooks up at 7:30, then unhooks after the first exchange the machine does then he can hook up again around 9:30 so that's made it a little better.

Now for pictures. I just downloaded pictures from my camera....and realized that I hadn't done it in a year. haha. I had just went out with Stacey and Brandon for Seth's birthday and still had pictures on my camera from his previous birthday. Oh well. What can I say? I'm slow to download my personal stuff.


Both these pictures are of Dustin's first Hemo dialysis in the hospital (when the nurse thought I was a freak for taking them). It was interesting for me to see these pictures again. It made me feel sad, but as we were in the hospital and I saw it in real life I didn't feel that way. I don't know if it was the fact that I was trying really hard at the hospital to be strong or if was just because I was so calm that week. Either way, It kinda makes me sad to  see it now.

The 2 tubes (Ash catheter) coming from his shoulder are inserted into a central vein in his neck. One took his blood out then it would go through the machine next to him and the other tube put the cleaned blood back in. It cycled through quite a few times. Each treatment took 3 hours If I remember right.

Dustin and His sister, Trisha's, little guy. They were probably watching Micky Mouse something.

His PD Machine. It's pretty small and on rollers so it's easy to move around and even travel with if we need to. It's programed to do the exchanges he needs. He hooks up all his bags to the machine, hooks himself up to the bags and presses start. It does the rest for him.

So that's the tube out of his stomach. The largest blue section is where it hooks up to the tubes that are hooked to his machine. From the hole (the dark spot) in his stomach to that large blue part just under his hand is the entire tube that is always with him. He has a velcro belt he wears that the tube straps into so it's not in the way during the day. I made him hold it up to show how long it is. haha.

Transplant update...

So my patience ran thin...finally. My mom was asking if we'd heard from Mayo yet and we hadn't so she thought that was weird. She has dealt with Mayo on many occasions and thought there's no way it should take this long. She said I should call, but I didn't want to be that annoying person who has no patience. Well, I gave it about a week after that conversation before I decided I'd had enough. I should've ran out of patience and called earlier....like in December.

I called Mayo last Wednesday and left a message with the lady I'd need to talk to. She called me back the next day. She knew exactly what I wanted to know and said, "Well yes I can tell you the status...I haven't received anything on him"........uh...come again?!?! WHAT!? You're kidding! Holy WTF of all WTF's. I quickly said, "you're kidding?!" She says no. Double checked to make sure she had our last name spelled right and sure enough. Not a damn thing. Wow. My furious level just went through the roof. She was very nice and let me know once she gets word, she will contact us within 24 hours. 24 hours!?! Our dumb Dr. said it'd be 6 weeks before we heard word. Hence the reason I've waited 2 months to check on it. My furious level went even higher. I couldn't believe it.

I called his office and left a message with his assistant, who called me back later that day. She was never told by Walshaw that she was to put in Dustin's info to Mayo. WHAT?! Ok, so this time I wasn't so surprised. I knew that's what had happened. Over the past 3 month's we have discovered that this Dr. is a  dip shit. I think the poor assistant was terrified I was going to chew her out, but really it wasn't her fault. She didn't know. He told her he thought he had let her know, but he never did. And I believe her, not him. She said she'd put the paperwork in right away...so with that, we should hear from Mayo in 2 days or less.

I really can't believe he did this. We had the appointment on Dec 7th when he first said he'd put it in. Dustin had another appointment the first week of January and he asked if we had heard from them. Really? You're going to ask about it but never even put his info in to Mayo? This wouldn't be the first time where I questioned his competence.

1. When Dustin was first diagnosed I did a lot of reading. I learned he needed to be on pill called Phosphorous Binders to take with each meal. After we were released, no one had prescribed those pills. When Dustin went up to Tucson to do dialysis because of the reaction he was getting in Safford I told him to ask Walshaw if he needed these pills. Dustin asks and Walshaw gives him this perplexed look like "Yeah you need them...hasn't anyone prescribed them to you?" Ummm...no retard. That's your job. You're my nephrologist.

2. While at that visit also, Walshaw tells the nurse to get him 2 dialyzer's  to take home to Safford for his last to Hemo treatments here. The nurse comes back and says there is only one. He says ok. Dustin goes to do dialysis the last time and doesn't have the right dialyzer and Walshaw says he sent 2 home. He sent 1.

3. Dustin (along with 2 other of his patients) had an appointment with him one morning. We waited an hour for him to show, left and got lunch and came back and waited another 45. The guy next before us waited 2-3. The little lady waited 45. Walshaw shows finally and "didn't know we all had appointments" Are you kidding?

4. Our visit to the TMC ER in December. Dustin's PD nurse was afraid he had an infection so she sent us to TMC. She called Walshaw and told him we were coming. We got there, got checked in late at night and expected to see him in the morning. Finally at 11 a.m. Dustin calls his cell phone and he claims he had no clue we were there.

5. The son of bitch never told his assistant to give Dustin's info to Mayo.

Basically I'm done with this guy. It is rather convenient that he makes the trips to Safford for appointments, but that doesn't count for jack if he doesn't do what he tells us he will. We've been waiting to get all this testing done before we do this last IVF and if he would've just done what he was supposed to do then Dustin's testing would be done and potentially we'd be testing live donors. Not to mention the fact that we really just want to get this transplant done. Even if there was no IVF. We want to get it done and over with. I've decided we will get this transplant process started then I will talk to Mayo about the possibility of switching to a nephrologist through them. True it will suck for Dustin to have to drive to appointments, but not as bad as it sucks to sit around waiting for transplant information that was never going to come.

(I started this on Jan 3...Now I'll finish it on Feb 5th. haha. I'm on the slow boat)

November and December have felt like the longest months ever! They just dragged and dragged. I'm thrilled to see 2010 leave because frankly from beginning to end, it was a real bitch to me.

Dialysis....
So the Hemo dialysis that Dustin had to start out doing didn't treat him right. Here in Safford they use different filters then they do in Tucson and the filters here caused him to have an allergic reaction. He couldn't breath and they had to hook him up to oxygen & give him nitroglycerin. He had to go to Tucson to try out their filters and he had no problems. Luckily he was a few days from starting the home dialysis so they sent him with a filter to finish off here and not have to go to Tucson again.

Home dialysis has been going pretty good. I went to the first training session but it was forever long and I had to get back to work. After that I didn't go back with him and he's done it all himself. Quite impressive. He has to go into his dialysis room, drain the fluid in his abdomen, fill with new fluid. Takes about 30/45 mins or so for the whole process. He has to do that 4 times a day. It's worked out good and he doesn't get tired or feel completely drained like he did after Hemo.

Jan 3rd Dustin went back to work! Yay! I think it'll be good for him to get back to normal life and do more then laying around watching TV. Plus Monday's are my day off so I can actually get something productive done. It seems like I have a harder time cleaning and getting things done when he's here...not so sure why that is.

Our Floor...
Oh our poor, poor floor. When we got back from Tucson I went and picked out a new floor at Carpet, Tile and More. It's called Konecto and is a fake wood. Mandy has it in her house and likes it a lot and so I went with it. John was super nice and gave us a deal (when he didn't have to) because of why we were laying new floor & he really likes Dustin. It was way kind of him. Brandon agreed to lay it along with some help from my other bro in laws.

The day after Thanksgiving they started to lay it. It went down fine, didn't seem to have any problems but then I noticed some planks seemed to be lifting. Then I noticed a lot of planks seemed to be lifting. Then I noticed almost ALL the planks seemed to be lifting. I was like holy crap you're kidding me. Some lifted a little & some lifted enough to stub your toe on. I couldn't believe it. Dustin went and talked to the guys at the shop and they said to try to heat activate the glue and role it down. So with a heat gun and hand roller we did the kitchen. Looked good....for a day. By morning it had all lifted again. I was so mad. I mean really? My floor can't even stay down and work? It just was something I didn't need. The next week the Konecto Rep came by and took a look at it and it ends up we have a faulty floor. The glue just didn't stick. I couldn't believe it. Just my luck. haha. Thank goodness that was the case thought because they will now send me new floor. We will have to rip all this up and start over. That really sucks, but is better then having a lifting floor I guess.

Our Diswasher...
Well when they ripped up the old floor, my bro in laws discovered our dishwasher was broken....pretty much since the day I got it.  For 6 years or so it's been leaking behind out of the tube. They said it was a mess, but luckily it didn't affect the cabinets. Unluckly, it was 2 days after Thanksgiving and I had a huge sink of nasty pots and pans. Luckily again, it is fixable and under warranty so we won't have to buy a new one. Unluckly again, It's Feb 5th & it's still not back. Rumor has it, we may get it this Thursday. I hope so.

Transplant...
So the Dr.'s put a referral into Mayo Clinic to get started with the transplant. He put it in around the 2nd week of December and he said it would be 6 weeks or so before we heard from them. We Still haven't heard. I'm starting to get a bit frustrated. I just want to get this going. Hopefully it'll be soon!

Operation IVF....
So I talked to my Dr. a bit about the last IVF. Apparently this kidney issue will make Dustin's sperm count deteriorate quite a bit so just to be safe, we have had some frozen and stored. Just in case we need to use it. He said we will wait to see if I am a match and then do the IVF. If I get pregnant before donation then I can donate my kidney to Dustin potentially as soon as 6 weeks after delivery. Getting pregnant after donating a kidney isn't off the table either. He said that it puts you at a higher risk pregnancy, but doesn't mean you can't get pregnant (of course, I already can't do it as it is so I'm sure one kidney wouldn't help!! haha) I would just have to wait for awhile so my body can adjust to one kidney and then they'd see how it's functioning. Of course this is all only relevant if I'm a match. This is partly why I want to speed up the transplant process. I really want to get this last IVF figured out!! I probably won't be a match after all this anyway! haha!