The LD

There hasn't been much going on in our lives (as always) but instead of making everything about the elusive child I can post about a few other things.

Lennie....
Lennie. We got a cat. Why? you say? Why? I say!!! Fish's cat had kittens and the poor mother went missing one day so she and her kids nursed them daily to keep them alive. Bless their hearts. The father of those kittens happened to be a cat the Dustin found in the desert and nicely gave to them. For some reason they end up with random animals and half of them come from my husband. So they kept joking that one was ours. Dustin kept talking about getting one, I kept telling him he was crazy and finally one day he said "Pantala wants a kitten. She told me" I told him he's crazy but whatever. So he runs out and gets the last kitten. Save the best for last was not the case with this thing. The first day we had him it was true, Pantala LOVED him. She licked him and layed with him and followed him everywhere he went. Well that was when he was still scared and timid. It didn't take him long. By day 2 he was a wild child. This SOB bites constantly and you can hardly touch him.You can't walk by without him attacking and tearing you apart. Both the dogs hate him and all they do is fight. I would post photos of the little bugger but i don't have the download cord for my camera and believe or not I don't even own a card reader at my house. Funny, i know.

Nashville Tennessee
So my sister, Trisha, and I were invited out to Nashville Tennessee to present a photography program....to other professional photographers...YIKES!! I'm terrified. I can be comfortable teaching anyone who doesn't know much or knows very little, but to teach other professional's who potentially know more then me scares the living crap out of me. We'll be gone for a week and doing 4 stops in 4 different cities. The good thing is that now days there are so many photographers out there who may have a good eye and potential but really don't know much about photography or what they're doing and need a lot of help to improve...so I PRAY the room is full of those people :). Also, because of that same reason, I'll be covering the basics that every photographer needs to know before 1. they really should call themselves a pro and 2. need to know in order to start having fun breaking the rules. Trisha is going to teach how anyone can paint their own backgrounds with some easy techniques and tips because she's a dynamite artist and does backgrounds for me all the time.

I've gone to years and years of programs and a lot of them are brag fests vs. good usable information so I hope I can present some good usable information. My theory on any program is if I can come away with one thing I can implement in my business it was worth it so hopefully I can do the same for others. I'm excited at the opportunity but really really really scared. It's a month away so I'll post how it goes!!

Operation IVF: 1 down. 2 to go.
Ok back to the only thing that I ever really post about. The elusive child. So the latest is we've done one IVF that was unsuccessful. Again it put me at rock bottom. I mean if IVF doesn't work that means I'm seriously screwed up!!! There is a lot that goes into it and a lot that can change a single IVF cycle so I'm really happy we have 2 more tries to try to get it right. So this time there were goods and there were bads. As the story goes...

The meds were reacting well. I was producing plenty of follicles. We were getting to the Egg Retrieval point and the Dr. had me do a blood test to check my progesterone. It was WAY out of control and too high. He called one Friday afternoon and said we have a few options, retrieve Sunday (which he really doesn't want to do...who wants to really work on a Sunday?) Cancel it and start over next time or something else. Well he didn't want to cancel me so Sunday it was. We got to the office at 7:00 and they put me out completely for the retrieval. Really nice for me :). I wake up Dr. said things went well, we'll call you tomorrow to let you know what the status is. (the reason i say all this is only to get to this one story) I am of course 100% out of it so the Dr. helps me to the car and Dustin opens the door and gets me in and I'm out. I woke up in Globe slightly while in the Jack in the Box drive through. Dustin asks if I want anything, I mumble get me tacos & water. I'm out again before he even gets the order. Over the Res I'm trying and trying to wake up so I can eat. I just couldn't do it. Finally outside of Bylas I think, "I can do this." I reach down for the bag and Dustin laughs and says "I ate them" What?! For real? I look at him as pissed as I can look and say as pissed as I can say "What the hell is wrong with you?" I was furious! I'd been waiting and putting forth some serious effort for those tacos. Right on cue my mom texts asking me if we needed food when we got back and I told her yes because my bastard husband ate my tacos. It is very funny now but I was soooooo mad. I blame lots of it on the drugs. I was still pretty out of it and slept most the day. He will never live that down.

Ok onto the real stuff. We had opted to pay extra for what they call the 5 day blastocyst and ICSI (the sperm is injected into the egg instead of it finding it on its own. Better chance of fertilization) So Shaheen (the lab tech) called the next day to tell me the results.

Day 1 post capture: They gathered 15 eggs. 11 of them were mature. GOOD! 9 of them fertilized. GOOD!! I was very pleased with the results. From that point he continues to monitor daily to look for the correct growth that must happen.

Day 2 post capture: Shaheen calls and say all split correctly and are moving along. GOOD!

Day 3 post capture: Still moving along as they are supposed to.

Day 4 post capture: 6 of them have seem to stop moving...there is a small chance they may have moved by morning. Not Good.

Day 5 post capture/Embryo Transfer day: 6 have stopped completely and aren't an options. 3 are left. The 3 left look like crap. They are not nearly as developed as they should be. They should make a pretty nice circle and these are all blotchy. Almost like they are trying to get there but didn't quite make it yet.

At these point we do transfer with what we have. We potentially can use 3, but at my age there are guidelines to only use 2. Dustin and I had agreed we were comfortable doing 3 and I wanted 3. The Dr ALMOST wanted 3 but talked himself out of it and I wasn't pushy enough. Basically if he gave me 3 and I got preggers with trips then the rath of the FDA would come down on him as to why he did it and it wasn't so much about that, he wasn't worried about the FDA...what it came down to is he's seen uglier embroy's implant and end up in a healthy baby. Anyway, we did 2 and it did not work. The 3rd crapped out as well and wasn't good enough quality to freeze. So what's next? We start all over again with a new cycle, new ideas and hopefully success!!! I really am sick of this and even sick of talking about it...believe it or not :)

What's been going down....

So it's been awhile so I thought to myself, "Hey self, you ought to post something to your blog." Then myself replied, "What a good thought self. You're so smart."

Baseball.....

So there really hasn't been too much exciting going on since my last post. Dustin finally switched to the good side and is helping coach Thatcher Baseball. I must say he does look good in green. Sometimes he makes me so proud. haha. The kids and parents seem to like him a lot so hopefully he keeps that up and they want him back next year.

He also coached little league with the Bro-in-law, Brandon. He came home after the first practice and I asked how his team was. He said, "Baby. It's not good." Then in the end they won 1st place. I'd have to say it's because of the fabulous coaching. Just about every parent on the team told me how much they loved Dustin coaching. He keeps in a fun and light atmosphere but teaches them at the same time and the kids love him. What can I say? He has a talent with children. They all seem to like him a lot.

I stole this picture from my cousin so hopefully she doesn't hate me for it. I wasn't at that game because Seth, Stacey's boy, had an Mt. Graham All-Star game in Morenci so I went with her so she didn't have to go alone.

Photo Credit: Brenda or John Henderson. Don't know which :)

Temple.....

At the end of June Dustin went through the temple for his own endowments. His brother Morgan went through as well so tons of his family was there and most of mine so it was pretty cool. It's also the first time I'd be back in years. We still have until our 5th anniversary before we can be sealed (Nov. 2011) so we have to wait for that but thought there was no reason we couldn't start going before then. We've contemplated doing a "destination sealing" I really really really wanted to do a destination wedding, but knew that wasn't going to work at the time so thought maybe a destination sealing would do the trick. My 1st choice would be Hawaii so we'll see. Probably won't happen because most likely no one would want to go.

PPA Print Competition 2010....

I entered the Professional Photographers of America's print competition again and did surprisingly well. I always tend to put my case together literally a week before they are due so I never expect much out of it. I think that's why I do it. Then I'm less disappointed when I don't do well. Now I'm starting to think if I can do ok a week before, imagine what could happen if I really tried! I'd probably suck! hahaha. Anyway, here are the 2 prints that merited and 1 went Loan. That's back to back years with a Loan Collection which is a pretty big accomplishment. Now I gotta make it 3 in a row....yikes!

Scored a Merit. Means it's above average. It's hard to get a merit on a portrait and this was shot from an everyday session I do. I rarely shoot for competition during my session (although I ought to)

Scored a merit and Accepted into the Loan Collection (Best of the Best & is printed in a book). This obviously was shot for competition seeing how the rocks didn't hire me for a shoot! haha.

Holladaypalloza's....

We've had a couple "family reunions" if you will this summer. Last year my mom decided she wanted to start doing a trip with her family yearly. Last year we went to Alpine for a weekend. This year we stayed at the Arizona Grand Resort for a couple days. It has a little water park and was a ton of fun. We also watched the D'Backs loose to the Yankers. Damn Yankers.

We also had the first Holladay family reunion in 4 years I think. I hadn't seen my cousins since my grandparents passed. It was a short day and 1/2 even and was basically a blast. I have pictures but I'm too lazy to post them, so imagine a bunch of crazy people having fun. That was it! (or see my facebook page for photos)

On the baby front...

Well after finally coming up with the loan to pay for the IVF we've had some struggles actually getting started. My body doesn't seem to agree with much of this baby crap (as if that isn't obvious haha). I've had another cyst and then a 65+ day cycle to throw it all off. I went on meds to straighten it all out and hopefully will be normal soon. We paid for the IVF package around Mayish and haven't got to do one full cycle yet without interruption. We HOPE that it will finally come to an end soon and we can give this a shot without interruption. It's been extremely frustrating for me to have one problem after the next. I just hope those problems are finally a thing of the past.

As of late I've found it really hard to have a good attitude about it much anymore. I hate seeing other people's baby's. It sounds bad, but I really do. I mean I've watched my friends have kids, 2 of my sisters and one sister in law each have given birth TWICE in the time I've wanted one. I'm just kind of sick of it and I try really hard to have a game face, but sometimes I just can't do it. So I either avoid the situations and steer clear of families or baby's, or just ignore them when I'm around. Bad attitude, I know, but I'm really trying to work on it. Therefore, I've come up with some recent things that I'm thankful for and have learned from this experience.

***WARNING...THIS WILL GET AWFULLY CHEESY AND OUT OF MY

NORMAL CHARACTER (Which really is slightly embarrassing. haha).

PLEASE DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME LATER. ******

1. Safety. I have made so many trips to Scottsdale to see my Dr. almost always by myself. Often at 5 or 6 a.m. Usually I drive up for a 30 min appointment and drive straight home. I'm usually wasted and not once have I even come close to being in an accident or fallen asleep. I think of how often I travel that road and it's scary! I feel blessed that I've been kept safe.

2. Faith. Heavenly Father has some crazy ways of doing things. I'll be honest, I can't say I agree with them, but trust and faith is key. I trust and have faith that what is to happen to me will happen in His own due time.

3. Tithing works! Of course, there are things I struggle with daily, but for some reason tithing has always been the easiest thing for me to do and I think it's because I know it's one thing I can be perfect at. I just write one little check and done! So easy and I never screw up! I love that feeling because there's so much more I screw up on. haha.

Well, over the last 1.5 years my faith in tithing has grown immensely. These Dr. bills have literally kicked our butts. They are so unreal. I know I say it all the time, but really when I think about what we've spent it makes me sick. I could have knocked a huge...a HUGE dent in our house payment with what we've spent. (And that's not even counting gas and food during my trips.) I have always been on top of my bills and never let my credit card carry a balance over. I will crunch the numbers every week to make sure we are within our means. And I swear by this...so many times I crunched and came up in the red. Over and over, with the same results, yet somehow when our credit card bill was due, we had enough money to cover it. I firmly believe that is due to faithfully paying tithing and even giving a generous fast offering.

4. A supportive family. The Dr. appointments are demanding and when my body says go, there's no changing that. I am lucky that I work in a business where I can make my own schedule for the most part, but I'm even luckier that when my work schedule seems to collide with an appointment that I have to make my family is there to cover for me. Poor Trisha has done more of my work in the past years then I'd care to admit. Same goes for the rest of my family. They literally say, "don't worry about it. It will be covered" Anyone who knows me and knows how I have to run everything at the studio knows I hate people doing my job and that it's something that's hard for me to let go. I've never heard any one of them complain (Ok, so my dad complain's sometimes, but that's just him. He still does it without question :) )

5. A giving family. With the financial struggles my parents have helped us out where they can. I know for a fact, if they could afford to pay for it all, they would do it for me in a heart beat, but they can't so just a little here and there has helped a lot. I never ask for it, nor do I expect it, but their small donations have made a huge difference.

6. An understanding & caring family. In a situation like this, you often get bombarded by questions/comments that are offensive and hurtful. People don't mean it, but they just don't think it through. My family rarely asks too much, yet they don't act as if nothing is going on. They stay right on the perfect line and if by chance they do cross that line, I tell them that was a stupid comment and we move on. I can't do that with every stupid comment I get from people, so it's great I can do it with family and they don't get offended or mad at me.

Also, I remember when Stacey got pregnant with Jos. Her and Brandon came over one night to tell us and she was in tears before she could even get it out. Brandon had to tell us. It meant a lot to me that she felt so bad that she was pregnant when I couldn't be. It's not her fault. She didn't need to feel bad, but it meant so much to know that she cared enough to do so and cared enough to tell me to my face instead of me hearing about it from someone else or find out by the sudden growth of a belly.

7. Technology. My heavens it's unreal what they can do! Grow a freaking embryo in a little dish, monitor it daily and know exactly the quality and what stage it is at. I'm grateful the technology exists that allows me to try these things out. Years ago I would be barren and screwed!! haha It's well worth the price I'm paying. Even if I end up empty handed in the end.

8. All the small things. Really...all the small things. My life is full and I really do have a lot that others don't. I ought be thankful for that :)

One big fat catch up post. Really...it's big and fat.

So it's been awhile....it's been a long while. I'm must admit I'm a slacker. Actually I feel like it's been a fairly busy year thus far and has no hopes of slowing down anytime soon!

December....

A good month. I saw Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds for the first time in Vegas! Good, good times. We drove up on Friday and drove back Sunday, but it was well worth the short trip. I was sick the way home so that really sucked. I tried my hardest to not pull over to throw up, but I just couldn't do it. Just outside of Wickenburg I gave in. I don't know why I didn't want to. I felt like it'd be embarrassing...as if all the cars speeding by at 80 mph were going to know who I was. Silly me. I'm just glad I was sick on the drive home and not during the shows! Heaven knows if I was I would've been in my seat with a barf bucket...so really the people who were sitting next to me ought be thankful.

Christmas was good. The Fam went on Globes version of the Polar Express. It was fun! Since I have no children, when it comes to events like this, I tend to adopt a few from my siblings. Mandy couldn't make it so Dustin and I took up Jace and Ella. They were so excited and I think Jace talked the whole way up and Ella sang. Jace of course, loves everyone. Ella used to hate everyone but her and I are "fwends" now. Ella was so afraid of Santa but she put on her brave face when he came by. She tried her hardest and succeeded at not crying when he stopped to say hi.

BFF's

Also BFF's

Jos was not feeling the train. She didn't enjoy the ride much.

January...

The best month ever!! Ok, I'm not sure about "best month ever" but at least for far this year :) hehe.

First a trip to the snow. This really isn't the highlight. I actually don't love a trip to the snow...only ever so often. Once a year is good enough for me. Again, no children of my own so this post shall highlight Stacey's Family.

Off for a lover's ride.

What Jos did the entire time.

Psycho!!

What Rhett and Dustin did the entire time.

Sugar fell off the sled.

Ok so Rhett got out once or twice to play in the snow.

Nashville...

The 2nd weekend my parents and I went to a photography convention in Nashville. Of course, when we went It was freezing! 20 degrees and snowing! It never snows there, but hey what else can I expect? We all know if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Thank goodness the entire convention was inside one building so we only left a few times to go eat.

San Francisco...

Now to the good part of January. Last summer Erin, Jenni, Luci and I got togther and decided we should go on a "turning 30" trip. (actually I think it was Erin's idea originally) Anyway, our original destination was a simple one...Las Vegas. We just planned on staying off the strip and getting a nice resort to relax at and play. Then Southwest had a deal on flights so in a short last minute decision we decided to book to San Francisco! YAY! I had never been there so I was super excited. We left on a Thursday and flew back on Sunday. Getting there turned out to be a challenge. The weather was not on our side. Good old dry AZ decided to have a huge storm the day we were flying out. Jenni and I left early and it pored on us the whole way up. At about 8:00 Luci called and said her flight from Canada was cancelled. She was trying to get on another flight. Our flight was scheduled for 10:00ish...it didn't leave until 11:00ish. Then when we got to San Fran the winds were so high we had to circle in the air for 45 mins or so. Luckily we finally landed. Also luckily Luci got on another flight. She seriously got the last seat on the plane. Once we finally got there, it was such a pleasure traveling with these ladies and we had a blast! We did all we could in a few days. My favorite was going out to Alcatraz. They seriously have the best audio tour and I'm so not an audio tour fan. We were out there at night so it was kind of creepy! My other favorite was the cab ride after Wicked (yes we went to Wicked...again). This guy was being awfully crazy and we were super giggly. I'm sure he thought we were drunk. We get to the hotel and he says "that just made my night" haha. So funny. On the way to the airport we were already talking about what to do for 40!! I can't wait!

On the Golden Gate Bridge!

"Full House" houses!

Locked away for good!!! Oh we're bad criminals.

This guy jumped from behind his branches and Luci screamed like a little girl! It was pretty much hilarious.

I thought the moss wall was cool.

It rained...A lot.

So this is on Lombard street (That one curvy one) and I think I had to stop 50 times to make it to the top. It was so steep. I need to start working out again.

Waiting for Luci at the airport after a LONG day of travel.

Our Sign we made for Luci so she could find us. The "real" people with signs didn't find us too funny. We thought we were hilarious.

Februrary...

Oh February...the bad, the good. My wonderful, selfless, best example in the world, Grandpa Green passed away. Such a sad thing, but what a great week. He wasn't doing so well so they took him to the hospital. They were certain he was going so my mom and her brothers decided to take him home so he could pass on there, with family. They brought him home on a Wednesday. My sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles...everyone was at the house nightly. It was so much fun to be together. He held on until Friday around 10:15, he finally let go. His room was filled with family and we all cried...and even laughed a little. The entire week was full of tears and laughter, but what good times brought on by sadness! Our cousin Kate was down for quite awhile and I wanted to keep her here. We spent the following week practicing for a song the grandaughters were going to sing at the service. I practiced so hard for that song. Trisha broke the parts down so we could listen to them on our ipods and I did...daily. I was so ready until go time...I got through the first section and lost it. Oh my gosh I am awful!! Then of course it's like dominos. Once one goes, everyone else usually does. Luckily Mandy was the only one who took my bait. I did get it together to finish off...kind of :) Good thing Stacey's a strong Alto. Anyway, I am a lucky gal to have had a fabulous grandpa for so many years.

Time to Bust out the big guns....

So admist all of this, of course, is our constant attempts to have a child. We did our 4th IUI in December. Of course, it didn't work. I was really betting a lot on this one. Everything seemed lined up. The fibroid was gone, the meds were working good, my body was responding well, the little swimmers were good...everything just seemed right. I was so certain. I was so wrong! What crap!! I mean really!! What the hell!?! It hit me pretty hard, but I got over it...I have no other option really :)

I met with my Dr. again and he told me so far I'm unexplained and he has no clue why I'm not working. Our last option to see if there was something wrong was for me to have another surgical procedure, a laprascopy to check for adhesions, endemetriosos and to see if I healed properly from the incision to my uterus we did last time. I did that a month or so ago and it turned up nothing. I'm an officially diagnosed as "Unexplained Infertility" There is nothing that says I shouldn't be in working order. So what do we do now? We break out the big guns. We are moving on to In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF). This is some serious business. The cost of the procedure is about 15x what an IUI is and that doesn't include any drugs or "extra's" that are available to do. Basically I could purchase a decent vehicle...instead I'm taking a chance that I might get a child instead. It's the chance part that sucks. There are obviously no guarantees, especially since we don't even have a reason for why I don't work.

We decided to do an option they call a "Cost Containment Plan" That means we pay a flat rate (drugs & extras not included) and within one year we can do 3 fresh IVF tries and the following year we can use our frozen embryo's. In each "Fresh" try he will retrieve all the matured follicles from me (which could be up to 15 he thinks.) All of those will be fertilized in the dish. Some will mature properly there and some won't. We take the embryo's that look like the very best and use a couple of them right away. The rest that have continued to develop properly, we freeze. Anytime we go through the process of retrieving the follicles and growing the embryo's is considered fresh and has a higher chance of implantation. So we can do 3 of those in one year if needed. If that doesn't work after the first year, we can work off everything we have frozen. The chances with frozen working do drop and often some don't thaw properly so some embryo's are lost. If it works on the first try, sure we over pay by a few thousand dollars. If it doesn't work then we save a lot of thousand dollars on multiple tries. I'm not very confident the first time will work so I thought this was the better option.

I'm not quite sure when we'll start. The funds have got to be aligned and as of now we only have access (through an old line of credit I opened when I got divorced) to about 60% of what we'll need. I am anxious to get started, but of course I don't want to get too excited thinking that it's going to work. I've done that all to often.

One Long, Boring week later

Holy boring week. I have been going crazy but one week down....one (or less) to go! YAY! 

Sitting around all day, everyday certainly isn't my bag. In fact, it has made me aware that adult contact is very important to me. I need to talk. haha. Anyway, so basically sitting at home...confined to a chair and not being able to lay flat nor sit up straight hasn't been a party, but it hasn't been awful. 

Early in the week my mom did all my laundry, cleaned lots of my house herself and brought over her cleaning lady to do some deep cleaning. She also fed me lunch everyday. So I do have to say thanks to my mother for looking out for me because if she didn't...I'm pretty sure no one would. 

Tuesday I had Trisha bring me work home so I had something to do. There's nothing on TV in the middle of the day and I haven't been tired at all like my Dr. said I would, so with the laptop and jump drives I've kept busy. 

For me the pain wasn't unbearable ever...ok well that's a lie. It hurt so freakin' bad when I sneezed and laughed (and Stacey had paybacks in mind to make me laugh as much as she could since that's what I did  to her when she had a c-section.) but other then that just getting up and down was when I felt the pain. Wednesday I took my last dose of pain meds and haven't had a problem with the pain since. Sure I may get the burning/stinging sensation when I get up, sit down or turn/reach a certain way, but really...is it that bad? No.

Rhett has walked over from Stacey's a couple times to visit. He's such an independent dork. Of course Stacey didn't know until I called her. He has a knack for sneaking out of the house...so at least I had  a consistent visitor.  

Yesterday my mom drove me to Scottsdale for my post-opt doctors visit. The Dr. was very impressive with my recovery and said everything looks good. He was surprised I didn't have any issues and really shocked when I said I hadn't been tired at all. He said at the rate I'm going he thinks I can be back to work after next week. I think he's wrong. I think I can be back to work next week...just for the little things of course. No shooting or anything crazy. He still wants me to take it easy. I will go through 2 more cycles and then we'll try again. That was exciting news for me because I was afraid we'd have to wait much longer then that (something along the lines of 4-6 months.) So probably mid December we'll be at it again. He confirmed I will have to have C-sections from here on out. Not the happiest news, but that's the way it rolls sometimes!

2 Days Post Surgery

After all the waiting I finally went into surgery at about 3:45ish I think and the Dr. didn't come out to talk to Dustin and my mom until about 5:30. I think that made my mom slightly nervous that something went wrong because pre surgery he said it'd only be an hour or so. Anyways, it all went well. I guess one of my tubes had some sort of blockage so he cleaned that out as well so maybe that added some time to the procedure.

After I started waking up I immediately wished I was still asleep. Ugh, i felt like crap. I was groggy and out of it and some guy kept asking me questions about Safford and other things and I really wanted to tell him to shut the hell up because I just wasn't in the mood for a convo. I was just really confused as to why he was talking to me. Anyways, I guess that's while they were wheeling me to my room because the next thing he told me was that I needed to get into the other bed. I was thinking, "are you kidding me? I can't move" Instead I said, "that kicked my ass" and they proceeded to move me on their own and I offered no help at all. Waiting for those meds to wear off was the worst. I hated it. I tried to keep my eyes open but it was so hard. I asked a few questions to Dustin and my mom about what the Dr. said and such but I was so out of it I don't remember much. The nurses wanted me to start drinking liquids right away so I did but it made me feel so sick. I just had water, jello and  apple juice here and there throughout the night...basically whenever I'd wake up. I think it was all too sweet or something because at about 3:30 I threw up. Luckily I hadn't drank much so there wasn't much to come up. I also would jerk every time I woke up and bend my left arm causing my IV to turn off and the machine to beep repeatedly so I had to page the nurses like 50 million times throughout the night. I felt really stupid about that.

Saturday morning they woke me up at 6:00 to remove the catheter and get me up walking. Dr.'s strict orders for me to walk every 2 hours. I was really nervous to try to move and once I started to move I realized I should be. It was hard to sit up or do anything that used my stomach muscles. Once I was up, I was ok. Just slightly light headed from the drugs i assume. After that i ate some cream of wheat and kept it down fine so the nausea was finally gone. I was walking really good on my own and everything seemed ok. I didn't have pain at all unless I was trying to move so that was good. My only problem...I hated "passed gas" Another strict rule from my Dr. I was not allowed to go home until I pooped or started tooting. He came by and said everything was good except that so they gave me a suppository (nothing like being anally raped by a very nice nurse) but it worked like a champ! After that I was ready to be released within 20 mins. Next problem? Dustin was gone. He left to go have lunch (a very late lunch) with his sister and brother. So I waited for about an hour/1.5 hours until he was back to get outta there. Finally when he said he was on his way the nurse hooked me up with 2 vicodin for the ride home. I was really nervous I'd have a hard time in the car but I didn't at all. It wasn't bad and I slept most the way.

So far I've handled the pain well. I get up and walk around all on my own. Sometimes it hurts worse then others, but as Brandon would say "I gotta learn how to do it myself eventually" As long as I'm not trying to get up or trying to get down I feel very little to no pain at all. I have been on Toradol constantly since midnight after the surgery and have only taken the vicodin occasionally. Mainly one at night to ensure I sleep well. I'm suppose to keep my body angled to ensure the scar heals as close together as it can. No laying flat or standing straight up. Hopefully the pain stay minimal like this and I can keep it under control.

Sliced and Diced!

Whoever said 3 times a charm was completely wrong. A month ago we tried an IUI one...last....time....I know I said I was going to straight to surgery after the miscarriage, but after waiting so long for my hcg to drop I didn't want to wait longer to try again and the Dr. thought we could give it a go. Well Either way I'm waiting now! After 10,921 days on this earth... That's 1560 weeks and 1 day. Which is 29 years and 328 days, including 8 leap years. (equals 29 years, 46 weeks and 6 days.) At the age of 29.90...just 36 days shy of my 30th birthday, I will be sliced open for the first time! And I thought I had a good "never had surgery" streak going too!!

I go in for surgery today at 3:30. Tuesday I talked to my Dr. about the procedure. I was in the mind frame that they would not cut me open (Partially because I read online that they don't always have to). Well my mind frame was wrong! They will do a small incision and cut through the uterus, resulting in a recovery I wasn't mentally prepared for. From the way he describes it I assume it's similar to recovering from a c-section minus the small child being removed from the body. I just have to settle for a fibroid. He says I'll be layed up for at least 4 weeks. I'm going to try my best to shorten that length. They will give me general anesthetics (put me 100% out) and I do have to stay at least one night in the hospital.

Trisha is stuck covering all my work at the studio. Poor thing. I did stay until 9:30 last night to try to get as much done as I could and totally missed the Graham County Fair. (I know! What a freakin' sacrifice! I'm so good.) Poor Dustin is stuck with all the house work (and because I've been working the past 2 Saturdays I leave him with a very messy house to clean up) The good thing is I will still be at home so I can boss him around while he does it. haha.

My nerves kicked in last night at about 5:00 and have come and gone since. Of course I trust my Dr. 100% but still...I've never been sliced open before. I'm sure it will all be fine and hopefully will solve my issues. Only time will tell.

(Oh yeah...and the title to this post comes from Dustin. Last night at my parents he says "Tomorrow my baby's going to be sliced and diced" such love and care shows. hahaha)

New York

So Jamie and Mike are now gone from New York! So Sad!! But I had to get one last trip in before they left. Of course, I made it revolve around 2 DMB shows that were at Jones Beach on Long Island. This time we stayed for a week, but I took way less pictures then last. I guess because I really wanted it to be relaxed and super chill. I had seen most major sites that I wanted to in past trips.

Just a few highlights...

Arrojo: Nick Arrojo's (from What not to Wear) salon. Unfortunatly he wasn't there working that day. Made me sad.

Tiffany: Best Jewelry Store ever. Well at least ever I've been in. It was huge and fabulous. I found a ring I want that I told Dustin he had to buy me for a big anniversary down the road. He asked me how much it was, I said I'd guess $15,000. right then an employee asked if we wanted help and Dustin, being Dustin, asked if we could see that ring. I was slightly embarrassed but put it on anyways. It was a perfect fit and cost, not $15,000, but a little less at $13,600.

We talked to the guy a bit, as he knew we were tourist, and went on our way up to the silver level...somewhere I can afford something. I decided since we spent so little on travel to NYC (free flights and free hotel) I could splurge and buy me a necklace I love. So I did!


I texted my dad and Brandon to see if they wanted me to buy their wifes something special from Tiffany. Brandon called and said, "what's that?" haha funny boy. Luckily for him, I knew his anniversary was coming up and he didn't. I had already left, but told him I'd go back to get something for Stacey. When we went back my $13,600 ring was gone. Crazy.

St. Pat's Cathedral: Last time we just walked by so this time Dustin went in to light his candle.

Grand Central Terminal: Dustin had never been there so we stopped by.

A Walk Across Brooklyn Bridge: I've always wanted to do this, but since my past trips have been in the winter, never have. It was fun! Made me want to live there and be a jogger or biker! haha. We had the best NYC pizza at Grimidali's and some fabulous ice cream.

Central Park, Turtle Pond: Although I've been to Central Park a ton, I never heard of the turtle pond. I found it in a book so we set off for it. It seemed to take forever to get there and Central Park has so many twists and turny paths we were hoping we were going in the right direction. Luckily we were and we fell right into it...unluckily it wasn't nearly as great as that book made it out to be. We saw some tiny little turtle heads. Not worth the walk.

The Bronx Zoo: Jaime, Mike, Kieralyn, Dustin and I set out for the zoo. It was fun. I do enjoy a zoo, but actually enjoyed the train ride there better. The Bronx is it's own little place and I liked seeing it passing by. At the Zoo I did take a short ride on a camel. I'm glad I don't have to ride one regularly. What a bony hump they have.

Being Sick: Yes I was sick in NYC. I was furious. The first few nights we were there I felt a slight sharp pain on my right side while going to bed. I had had this pain about a month prior and it was aweful so I was hoping it didn't come back. Well all hopes went away Thursday Morning. I woke up at about 4:30 with the sharpest pain. It hurt so bad it was unreal. I decided to take some pain meds, which ended up a not so good idea. I took them, laid back down and within 30 mins knew I had to throw up. I fought and fought, but lost. I hoped after that initial trip to the bathroom I'd feel better...at least as far as throwing up goes. I didn't. All day I barfed and felt pain in my side. I was able to sleep most the day and around 4 ate some crackers and small sips of soda. I was doing quite well until I decided to take pain meds again. It all came back up. Finally I gave up on meds and around 6 or so I was feeling way better. had some soup for dinner and was fine by morning. Thank goodness! I was already mad enough I had missed out on one day. 2 would be too much.

Food!!! So I wanted to eat everything in NYC this time!! We decided to go to Papaya King for some Hot dogs, to compare them with Gray's Papaya. I have to say I am a Papaya King fan. So Good! Since I was sick, most my eating expeditions ended up on the last day. I found this hole in the wall Crepe shop. Oh how I LOVE a crepe. So Yummy. I wish I went there everyday for one. Then there was this place called "Rice to Riches" that severed only rice pudding in all flavors. Only in NYC! I loved it. We got caramel. Then Dustin wanted come cuban food so Jamie knew of place that was more Cuban/Mexican, but again...super good. I could eat there daily. They had this grilled corn on the cob rolled in some kind of cheese and chili powder.

And of course...DMB! Great shows, good venue. It was set right on the ocean, so that's cool and was a small venue and that's always good. Fabulous shows, of course.


Every time I to go NYC I just think I could live here. I really good. I do love the small town, but there's something about that place that draws me in. Everything about it I love. We had a ton of fun and I can't wait to go back....someday! Thank you to Jaime and Mike for letting us invade for a week so close to moving time!